Marriage Trends and Divorce (wk 2)

(http://scottcountyclerk.com/marriage-license/)

Before even contemplating marriage, two people usually begin dating. They are getting to know each other and their different interests as well as common-ground. It is important to remember that any two people that begin a relationship are coming from different backgrounds where they had different rules, different families, traditions, familiar roles, experiences, trials etc. Eventually this couple may fall in love, become engaged and eventually marry. I love in Elder Dallin H. Oak’s talk titled “Divorce” where he said, “The best way to avoid divorce from an unfaithful, abusive, or unsupportive spouse is to avoid marriage to such a person.” I absolutely love this quote because I think it can be so easy to be blinded by love. You may not be able to see a lot of the other person’s weaknesses and look past some of their concerning behaviors before you even enter into marriage with them.

 I have a friend that was married this past year. She had dated her spouse for a short time before they decided to tie the knot. About 6 months later, they were filing for divorce. She just kept saying how she had so many doubts and she wishes she would’ve listened to the spirit instead of going through with the wedding because she thought it was what she wanted. So many of his abusive qualities were seen before she was even engaged to him; but she chose to ignore the warning signs and believe him when he promised to change.

 I think there are times where your marriage can be saved and others where you have to respect the other person’s agency and accept that for your safety and well being (and any children that are involved) that you must go your separate ways. I’ve also seen marriages saved through repentance, forgiveness, and realizing that no one is perfect. I have another friend who just celebrated her 3^rd wedding anniversary. Shortly after they were married and the “honeymoon phase” had ended, they began fighting and had very unhealthy communication. Soon after, they welcomed their first baby and that only made matters worse as my friend turned all of her attention and time to the baby and her husband devoted himself to his work. Eventually, they decided to seek help from their bishop. I am grateful that my friend shared just a little bit of her story with me because I learned so much from them.

 I loved in this week’s readings where we learned how important it is to make your marriage a priority and that there is always hope. My friend and her husband had dated for a good while and had been very prayerful about their marriage. They knew it was right, and they had been promised their marriage would be forever if they kept their covenants. I love that they didn’t give up on each other even though it was difficult. I learned that so many relationship struggles can be solved through communication! Forgiveness and understanding are such a huge part of it as well. You can’t expect your spouse to be perfect, and neither one of you are. I think it takes both spouses putting in 100% to make a marriage work. I remember last semester I learned in one of my family classes the relationship triangle. The husband and wife make the two corners at the bottom, and God is at the very top. As each spouse moves towards the Savior, they automatically move closer together.