Emotionally Connected (wk 7)

(http://askdianne.com/marriage-holding-hands)

I love the idea that faith should be a focus in your marriage. I think keeping this in mind will help you and your spouse to keep an eternal perspective. Ezra Taft Benson said, "when we put God first, all other things fall into their proper place or drop out of our lives." I can see the wisdom behind this as I think about all the ways spouses are tempted to waste time. I know it's different for every couple, but an example I've seen is couples that spend a good amount of time watching television shows and movies. While this can be good in moderation, I don't think it should be a focus of life. So much time and thought can be wasted on watching back to back episodes on Netflix, or lounging around all evening watching movies. I think these activities can be beneficial when done in moderation, but not when taking the place of more important activities such as temple attendance and date nights. 

It's also essential that couples focus on the positive as much as they can. It can be so easy to get caught up in the negative attributes of your spouse or in the current situation you may be caught in. It's ok to face reality and accept what may be negative, but it is also important to talk openly with your spouse and work your way back into a positive place. In times of trial, it is essential to turn to Heavenly Father as well as your spouse. It can be so easy to follow the temptation to quit trying in your marriage when things get hard. However, repentance and forgiveness as well as communication and time can heal any marriage no matter how far gone it may seem. 

I love the ideas that John M. Gottman suggests in his book, the Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. He suggests 8 steps for turning towards each other and holding a stress- reducing conversation with your spouse:

1.) take turns

2.) show genuine interest

3.) don't give unsolicited advice

4.) communicate your understanding

5.) take their side

6.) express "we against others"

7.) show affection

8.) validate emotions