Wk 13: Building Positive Relationships with your In-Laws

(http://www.interfaithfamily.com/blog/parenting/tag/in-laws/)

There is wisdom found in the scripture Genesis 2:24 which reads, "Therefore, shall a man leave his father and his mother and shall cleave unto his wife.." I think this is such as difficult concept for so many married people today. Growing up, a lot of us learn to rely on our parents and grow close to them as well as to our siblings. It can be such a transition to leave our parents and get married to our spouses. While we should take care to keep in contact with our parents, our relationship with them definitely is meant to change. I know of so many families whose marriages fell apart or spouses had a falling out because of something that happened with their in-laws. 

It can also be difficult for parents to let go and allow their children to become close to their spouse and a little more distant from their family. I was once given this advice when I was at my cousin's wedding years ago. I remember my aunt telling us to never, ever talk bad about our spouse, especially to our mother. One of the biggest problems with sharing our frustrations with our mothers concerning our spouses, is that she will most likely, intentionally or subconsciously hold that information against him now and in the future. A lot of times, you and your spouse work things out over time. While you may have forgiven your spouse and have moved past the issue or come to a better understanding of the cause of the issue, your mother was not involved. She may even bring it up in future situations or conversations. A lot of times your mother will form an opinion about your spouse based on your perspective and what you choose to share.

This is just one example of allowing in-laws to interfere with your marital relationship. I think it is so wise to keep issues between you and your spouse. Sometimes a mediator or church leader is needed to help with certain issues. Of course, if you are in a situation where you or your children are in any kind of danger or you are unhappy, then you should be able to reach out to your parents and ask for help. Just because your relationship changes doesn't mean it doesn't have to be great. Sometimes you have to miss out on extended family outings or holidays because you are forming new traditions with your husband and your children. You may also have to take turns visiting one another's families which means less time with your own extended family. It takes great communication and compromise at times, but you can still have a great relationship with your parents and in-laws while making your marriage a priority and keeping your spouse's best interest in mind.