Family Influences

Every family has those unspoken rules.. The things that nobody talks about but everyone knows. These things could be: the oldest rides shotgun, dad gets the remote when we watch TV, everyone has their place at the table, etc. The rules are different for every family. In class, our professor shared an example that explains this perfectly. Growing up, everyone in his family knew that mail was sacred. You never opened anyone's mail but your own and you wouldn't talk about anyone else getting mail and who it was from. When he got married, he came home one day and noticed that some mail addressed to him was already opened. It turned out his wife had opened the mail, thinking that that is what good wives do. These two grew up in two different households where family relationships were different and their family rules were also very different.

We all grow up in different households with different parents and rules. Each member of a family influences each other. Let's say that the more a husband complains, the more his wife withdraws. The more she withdraws, the more he complains. The more he complains about her withdrawing.. the more she withdraws, and so on. Each member of the family has a profound effect on each of the other members. Each member in the family also has a specific individual role. For example, one child may be the protector while another child may be the one that makes everyone laugh.

There are many subsystems in the family as well. We have the husband/ wife relationship, the wife/child relationship, the husband/child relationship and the husband/wife/child relationship, and so on depending on how many children you have. These relationships can be determined in strength by things such as where the family members sit when they all walk into a room together. Typically, those that feel closest to one another will sit next to each other. It's important to remember that even though each individual plays a role, the whole family is greater than any single family member and that each person influences the other in a profound way.