Strengthening Family Ties

What makes a happy family? There are so many ways this question could be answered: playing, spending time together, learning, traveling etc. An ongoing trend, however, is that a family that works together creates a happy family. Back in the day, families were required to work together in order to survive and thrive. What were these family members most likely doing while they were working? They were probably telling stories, visiting and connecting with one another; all while making memories. 

The difference between working as a family and playing games as a family is competition vs teamwork. When a family is working together on something whether it is a project, a household chore, etc they are most likely having to work together to get the job done. This creates unity and in turn usually creates stronger family relationships. 

Families that work together will also learn many beneficial skills such as: effective communication skills, social skills, compromising skills, conflict resolving strategies, relationships structure, reliance, character building and problem solving skills. It is very beneficial to children to learn the value of hard work as well as the importance of play. It's also interesting to note that women tend to connect face to face while men tend to connect shoulder to shoulder. Even though women like to be social and spend time together and men bond by working together, all of these areas are addressed as families come together to work on things together; strengthening their family ties. 

Communication is Key

Miscommunication is very common in relationships. This is why it is essential that you say what you mean and mean what you say. Communication begins when a person has a thought, feeling or idea. Next, the person tries to communicate that idea so that the receiving person understands the message. Then, the thought or idea is communicated, whether it's by speaking, texting, writing etc. Then the message is interpreted by the receiver. 

It is essential to keep in mind that communication is not always about what you say. In class we learned about a communication scale. About 14% of communication are the words you say, 35% is the tone you use and 41% is nonverbal. Your body language actually does a lot of the communicating for you. So in reality, it isn't necessarily what you say but how you say it that matters. Your body language and tone usually determine how a message is received. 

Miscommunication also occurs when people don't say things directly, hoping the other person will get the hint. An example of this is when a girl is in the car and she asks the guy if he is hungry and wants to stop and get something to eat. The guy says that he's fine and isn't hungry. What the girl is actually saying is that she wants to stop for something to eat. You can see how easy it can be to interpret things differently than the person meant for the message to be received. 

We are always communicating, whether we are talking or not. One technique that works well to make sure you are interpreting a message the way the person intended would be to check for understanding. This is done by repeating back to the person what you think they mean and then asking, "is that right?" Asking questions to clarify will avoid a lot of miscommunication. If you are the person communicating, you could check for understanding by asking them if they understand what you're trying to say or seek to clarify. 

Relationships Matter

(photo via: http://www.scienceofrelationships.com/)

Let's look at some of the characteristics that create strong family relationships. It is essential that family members have open communication with one another. This goes for each family relationship within the family as well as the family as a whole. A big part of communication is asking questions and coming to a better understanding of one another by getting to know each other. Families that are close seem to be very comfortable around each other. They also spend a quality time doing things they enjoy.

There are so many benefits to having close relationships with your family members. It is so wonderful to have a strong support network for when you experience heartache and trials. It is also great to have a place where you can be yourself and where you are accepted. Having families can also help us have a sense of belonging, which is something we all need. Another benefit to having close relationships with your family is that you are able to turn to each other if and when tragedy strikes.

Often times when families experience a major trial, it initially does one of two things. It either brings the family closer together, or tears them further apart. It is essential that family members turn towards each other and rely on each other for strength and stability throughout the time it takes to heal. Each family member may respond differently and cope in various ways. Spending quality time with those we love has a tremendous effect on our coping with the trials we experience. Other sources of strength may be faith, prayers, counseling, support groups and just allowing time to pass as hearts heal and relationships shift. Having the support of a family makes such a difference when experiencing trials and having those strong relationships already gives you the perfect foundation for coping with them as well as with other trials that may arise in the future.

Protecting Your Marriage

Communication is key in every relationship including marriage. Talking openly with one another not only strengthens your relationship, but it also helps protect against miscommunication, resentment, and lack of trust. One topic that is essential to come to an agreement upon is social media. I hadn't ever thought about this until someone brought it up in our class this week. It was suggested that after you get married, you create social media sites together instead of having your own. I can see the wisdom in that and how it can protect your marriage.

It would also be important to agree on how you will use social media. For example, will you be posting personal pictures to the accounts? Will you be sharing information about your relationship with others? How often will we be accessing these accounts? I've heard stories of spouses cheating on  each other by meeting with someone they met on social media. You can also cheat on your spouse on an emotional level by re connecting with a previous girlfriend or boyfriend ,for example. It is very easy to make and keep secrets on social media as well if your spouse has no access to your account. With joint accounts, there are no secrets and your spouse can see who you communicate and what is being shared.

Speaking of conversation, it is also essential to keep your relationship issues between the two of you. When you go to an outside source, you build a connection with them instead of speaking with your spouse and working out the problem between you. You may also build resentment against your spouse. For example, let's say I go to my mother with something that my husband did that was wrong. The more I talk with my mother, the more she is going to resent him and may even make me feel worse about the situation and turn against him more. Now let's say that a few weeks have gone by, and my husband and I have made amends and left the past in the past. It is very likely that my mother still has negative feelings towards my spouse. She may even bring up this issue in the future as other arguments arise. That's not to say that your relationship wouldn't benefit from seeking outside help from a counselor or mediator if you can't work things out between you.. however, it is wise to keep your relationship struggles between the two of you and to work them out in confidence as to not include others in your issues and potentially create additional problems now and in the future.