Family Influences

Every family has those unspoken rules.. The things that nobody talks about but everyone knows. These things could be: the oldest rides shotgun, dad gets the remote when we watch TV, everyone has their place at the table, etc. The rules are different for every family. In class, our professor shared an example that explains this perfectly. Growing up, everyone in his family knew that mail was sacred. You never opened anyone's mail but your own and you wouldn't talk about anyone else getting mail and who it was from. When he got married, he came home one day and noticed that some mail addressed to him was already opened. It turned out his wife had opened the mail, thinking that that is what good wives do. These two grew up in two different households where family relationships were different and their family rules were also very different.

We all grow up in different households with different parents and rules. Each member of a family influences each other. Let's say that the more a husband complains, the more his wife withdraws. The more she withdraws, the more he complains. The more he complains about her withdrawing.. the more she withdraws, and so on. Each member of the family has a profound effect on each of the other members. Each member in the family also has a specific individual role. For example, one child may be the protector while another child may be the one that makes everyone laugh.

There are many subsystems in the family as well. We have the husband/ wife relationship, the wife/child relationship, the husband/child relationship and the husband/wife/child relationship, and so on depending on how many children you have. These relationships can be determined in strength by things such as where the family members sit when they all walk into a room together. Typically, those that feel closest to one another will sit next to each other. It's important to remember that even though each individual plays a role, the whole family is greater than any single family member and that each person influences the other in a profound way.

What Matters Most

"What matters most lasts the longest and families are forever." (M. Russell Ballard) 

I learned so much this week between class discussions, the readings, the videos, and the assignments that we had. It's so important to remember that there is no such thing as a cookie cutter family anymore. The ideal family consists of a father and mother that work together to provide a loving home for their children. Today, a family could consist of a single mother or father, an adoptive family, extended family members raising children, foster care, same sex couples raising children, and in some cases people consider their friends to be their family. 

We are social creatures. We are meant to have relationships and have an emotional connection with others. Our families should give us a sense of belonging. We should be able to turn to our families for support when we need it. Like I said, this isn't always the case; but it is ideal. Companionship is another thing that gives meaning to our lives and creates joy and happiness. Marriage is no longer a priority in many couples' lives anymore. The statistics of couples living together before marriage is astounding. It is becoming more common for a couple to have children before getting married; or without getting married at all. 

In the documentary called the Demographic Winter, we learned all the statistics on fertility and how that affects families all over the world. Something that stood out to me, was when they pointed out that if a couple decides to only have one child, and let's say that child decides to only have on child and so on; then everyone is affected. Schools will have less children meaning less diversity and friends for others, grandparents will have less resources for care as they grow older, the child won't have the experience of growing up with siblings, etc. This child also won't experience having the support of an extended family. This is such a sad reality. 

I am very close with my cousins, aunts and uncles. I've turned to them for support many times in my life. I am thankful for the Lord's stand on families and children. I don't want to feel pressured into having only one child or having many children. I think the decision to have children and how many is between you, your spouse, and the Lord. I definitely want children in the future and I'm thankful that the church has so many resources for families and recognizes the importance of family relationships and the hope that our families can be eternal.